My theme for this year is: Intentional. I actually spent a lot of time praying about my "resolutions" for this year (goals for those of you who take issue with the semantics of "resolving" to do something). There were so many things I wanted to accomplish. If you know me at all, you know that I am a doer. I will add, and add, and add, and add bits and pieces of things to my life until I am barely able to even marginally accomplish anything well. This usually results in a total breakdown, or two, and my dear husband chastising me with an "I told you so" or something similar. In fact, last year, while pregnant, I took practically everything off of my plate in an attempt to maintain sanity. Oddly enough, this lead to a complete and total sense of failure, as well as a meltdown about feeling like I had no purpose. (Some of that may have been hormones.)
So, back to this year. I wanted to find balance. I desperately needed to add some things back into my schedule, while allowing some things to stay where they were. Not an easy task for one as obsessive and controlling as myself. After much prayer and a few meltdown/tantrum moments (yes, I do see the pattern), I finally felt like I heard God tell me that he desires me to be intentional.
Seemed easy enough. I spent some more time praying and developing lists that reflected the goals or resolutions I felt needed my focus. Categories included spiritual, marriage, children, personal, financial, ministry, and business. Now that may seem like a lot, but it was so important that I go through and detail the specifics of what I would focus on this year in each category all the way from the mundane to the very important. It is the only thing that would keep me from adding to or subtracting from it! I now had a clear laid out plan that I could refer back to, to make sure I stayed on target. (I planned to be checking on a weekly basis.)
With lists in place, I was feeling confident. Surely this would be a great year full of purpose and growth. Bam!!! Ah, what good is a goal without a major obstacle to overcome. Within a week of setting it all on paper, I found myself in circumstances that challenged the very core of all my goals. An obstacle with enough financial weight to affect our entire year.
I do not think this is an accident. I know that when God gave me this word, intentional, he knew exactly what my year would look like and how he was going to lead me through it. I suppose, without hardship, it is not so difficult to move forward with purpose and take credit for any success one might gain along the way. Now, I have no choice. The control has been removed from my hands and I am left to trust Him to lead me through this year. That is, I'm certain, the way He intended it to be in the first place. And so, in faith, I will follow, intentionally.
