Snow Day Fun

Today, instead of  hunkering down in pj's in front of TV or a movie (which is what we usually do on a snow day), I decided to go visit my friend Hosanna, in Pueblo. Now, I'm not usually all that spontaneous, but I had wanted to go see her last week over Spring Break and it didn't end up happening. Then she was going to come visit today while her kids were at school, but that got cancelled due to the snow. So, being that I am a woman who does not care to have my plans derailed, I decided I was going brave the weather and go to her. (Consequently, there wasn't really any snow out there anyway.)

I also decided it would be fun to have pizza rather than making sack lunches. Quickly, I made the dough and pizza sauce, grabbed the other pizza ingredients I had on hand, got ready to go, and shoveled the kiddos into the car. I had to make a quick stop at the store for mozzarella cheese and pepperoni. When I got back into my car, due to the fact that I had decided to let the dough finish rising in my car on the way down (it's a 45 min drive), it now smelled like a freaking bakery. Yummo!

We got to Hosanna's and the kids all ate strawberries with their pizza while we had the really tasty salad she made with spinach, fresh basil, and other really delicious, healthy things. Then we spent the afternoon chatting over top of the unbelievably loud and raucous children who were apparently having a blast running through the house. They even put on a play for us, which I will not go into too much detail about because, well, it didn't make very much sense. It was, however, very entertaining and Hosanna and I were in stitches watching it. There was also some Wii playing, movie watching, popcorn and popsicle eating, and even a little spider killing fun. Hosanna made a fun Easter garland from paint swatches and an idea from Pinterest, Jonathan kept taking his clothes off, and Zeb somehow managed to sleep through most of everything. We were there for 6 hours! (Hosanna is a gracious woman.)

Driving back home, the boys agreed that it was a way better day than if we had just stayed home and watched movies. It may just have been one of the best snow days ever!

To move is to breathe.

Today, I am missing dance. I don't just miss it in a passive kind of way. Rather, it is a gnawing, desperate, palpable, heart wrenching sort of feeling. My very muscles ache for it.

Before I was pregnant with Jonathan, I was dancing about 15 hours a week. Even through my pregnancy, I usually averaged at least 5. Then came Jonathan. It has been hit or miss ever since. With Isaac in tow, it seems to stretch even further away.

Now, this may not seem like a very big deal to most people, but to me, it feels like death. No, that is not an exaggeration. To a dancer, to move is to breathe. There is something in the full stretch of the muscle, the sharpness of one movement contrasted with the soft fluidity of the next, the hits, the pauses, the stillness that is so full of ripe, raw energy. It is a language that transcends beyond word, beyond sound, a communication so primal that it demands our attention. Simply put, movement is what separates the living from the dead.

Dance takes it a step further. It is the feeling behind the movement. It is intentional and purposed. Feeling and thought take on lives of their own. Even a leaf can dance upon the breath of wind.

So now what? This year, one of my goals is to begin to dance again. Even if it is just moments in my bedroom by myself, weeping along with whatever song happens to move my spirit. For me, it is the peak of intimacy with my creator and for far too long it has been neglected. So, with great intentionality, I will carve out time. Time, set aside, to move with purpose, to dance, to create, to worship.....to breathe.

Intentional

My theme for this year is: Intentional. I actually spent a lot of time praying about my "resolutions" for this year (goals for those of you who take issue with the semantics of "resolving" to do something). There were so many things I wanted to accomplish. If you know me at all, you know that I am a doer. I will add, and add, and add, and add bits and pieces of things to my life until I am barely able to even marginally accomplish anything well. This usually results in a total breakdown, or two, and my dear husband chastising me with an "I told you so" or something similar. In fact, last year, while pregnant, I took practically everything off of my plate in an attempt to maintain sanity. Oddly enough, this lead to a complete and total sense of failure, as well as a meltdown about feeling like I had no purpose. (Some of that may have been hormones.)

So, back to this year. I wanted to find balance. I desperately needed to add some things back into my schedule, while allowing some things to stay where they were. Not an easy task for one as obsessive and controlling as myself. After much prayer and a few meltdown/tantrum moments (yes, I do see the pattern), I finally felt like I heard God tell me that he desires me to be intentional.

Seemed easy enough. I spent some more time praying and developing lists that reflected the goals or resolutions I felt needed my focus. Categories included spiritual, marriage, children, personal, financial, ministry, and business. Now that may seem like a lot, but it was so important that I go through and detail the specifics of what I would focus on this year in each category all the way from the mundane to the very important. It is the only thing that would keep me from adding to or subtracting from it! I now had a clear laid out plan that I could refer back to, to make sure I stayed on target. (I planned to be checking on a weekly basis.)

With lists in place, I was feeling confident. Surely this would be a great year full of purpose and growth. Bam!!! Ah, what good is a goal without a major obstacle to overcome. Within a week of setting it all on paper, I found myself in circumstances that challenged the very core of all my goals. An obstacle with enough financial weight to affect our entire year.

I do not think this is an accident. I know that when God gave me this word, intentional, he knew exactly what my year would look like and how he was going to lead me through it. I suppose, without hardship, it is not so difficult to move forward with purpose and take credit for any success one might gain along the way. Now, I have no choice. The control has been removed from my hands and I am left to trust Him to lead me through this year. That is, I'm certain, the way He intended it to be in the first place. And so, in faith, I will follow, intentionally.